Leave it to me to write something and never publish it in any way. As my summer adventures were winding down, I found myself missing Sara Olson more than usual (which is saying something). As a direct result, I wrote this blog post. Yet again, here goes nothing!
August 5, 2011
11:05 am
People have a tendency to do really stupid things when they miss somebody. When I’m in Disney, there is one person I always seem to miss most: Skipper Sara Olson. The closest we’ve been to each other since 2008 was when we both happened to be in that evil state (Kentucky) right before Christmas 2009. Sadly, we had both been kidnapped by pirates at the time, so we didn’t get to see each other. Instead, we “poop texted” for the rest of the year.
Long story short, I’m sitting at Ghirardelli in Downtown Disney with my latest idiotic tribute to how much I miss Sara Olson. It is staring at me in sadistic triumph. The receipt calls it, “1 Lg ID Esprso Sund ----- $8.95,” and let me tell you, I’ve never wanted to punch food so much in my life.
The sundae is about the size of a grinder at Earl of Sandwich, and it is loaded with espresso, hot fudge (cold fudge by now), chocolate chunks, and self-loathing. I keep thinking, “How did I get to this point? I haven’t been this bad since Heath Ledger died. This never would have happened if my boyfriend had been here.” It’s come to this. And why? Because I miss Sara, and she said I should get a sundae for lunch.
No, no, I can’t actually blame her for this. The truth is I sent her a text to ask permission to eat a sundae in her honor. She did tell me which one to get, though…
Ugh, and up to this moment, I had been so healthy in my eating habits! I can’t even joke about making my family proud of me for this one. Other thoughts knocking around in my head right now involve food math conversions.
1 large espresso sundae = $8.95. With a cast discount of 20%, this sundae = $7.63.
$7.63 worth of missing Sara Olson = 1 sundae
1 sundae = 3 pineapples
1 sundae = 7 cartons of eggs
1 sundae = 2.5 lbs. of cheese
1 sundae = 2 funnel cakes
1 sundae = 1 chicken
1 sundae = 6 bottles of beer
And HERE is the kicker, sports fans:
1 sundae = 2 pints of Ben and Jerry’s
Yeah. That’s what I thought. And I couldn’t even finish this *@#! sundae! Sara Olson, I miss you every single day, but jeez, I need a better way to show it.
PS in 5 minutes, I’ll have had this beast in front of me for an hour. I already have an icecream hangover… or a food baby. Take your pick.
PSS “The only emperor is the emperor of icecream.” – Wallace Stevens… bet that poem was about this sundae because I, for one, have never felt this crass and hedonistic.
PSSS I hate icecream now
Appendix
Sara Olson to Food Conversion Chart (Silly but necessary):
How much I miss Sara Olson = 1 sundae
I miss Sara Olson 3 pineapples.
I miss Sara Olson 7 cartons of eggs.
I miss Sara Olson 2.5 lbs. of cheese.
… or 2 funnel cakes…
…womp womp…
12:29pm- SUNDAE FINISHED!
I wish I could be happier about that, but I feel gross!
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